Sky Sports F1: outdated, unappetising, prunes

5 min read

Let me be Frank. Not Williams, sadly. Sky Sports F1’s coverage is so unbelievably bad, something must be done before we even think about addressing the climate crisis.

Simon Lazybody and Naomi Nobody are phonies. I can’t be the only one that sees this. They’re saying the words, but they don’t appear to have any genuine passion for the sport. It very much looks like he’s got a presenting gig and the topic is irrelevant to him. He’s been doing it for over 10 years now. It drives me mad. Why is Naomi presenting? She’s neither a presenter nor a notable figure in motorsport and achieved precious little. I have more race wins at arrive and drive karting ffs.

Worse still was that awful, pranked style piece she and the team did with Arvid Lindblad during the Singapore Grand Prix. F1 doesn’t need this kind of shit. F1 coverage used to be about the sport, the rivalries, the technical challenges showcasing the pinnacle of speed and technology. Drive to Survive on Netflix has made it about “personalities” and thus the coverage now chases that. That pranked style is so outdated, yet Simon & Naomi thought it was like the funniest and latest thing. So did Ted Kravitz.

The whole thing made me want to put a gun in my mouth.

Natalie Pinkham, whilst easy on the eye, is also unconvincing. She along with Georgie Thompson back in 2012, were parachuted in to present and it can’t have been for either their knowledge or passion for the sport, or for their presenting skills. Georgie was ejected and Natalie has been cutesying it up ever since.

The last thing that I am sad to admit. Martin Brundle and David Croft are past it. I’m oldish now myself and have spent most of my F1 fandom enjoying Brundle and James Allen on the comms, they were irreplaceable. Then came Crofty, even more shouty and his early years alongside Martin in the commentary box were bang on. But now their style is simply outdated, naff.

Their sense of humour is like an embarrassing uncle that smells of fart.

They’re becoming their own versions of Hudson Hornet from Cars. I was reluctant to listen to other comms teams, but it is time for something new, younger and fresh. I’m not a fan of most new commentators, but they’re becoming more palatable with every race. Although Harry Benjamin irritates me immensely and looks like a current version of Simon Cowell if you’d taken him out of the microwave a minute earlier.

Left Simon Cowell, Right Harry Benjamin. Same microwave, just a minute longer.

Yes, I know I can switch comms, but I can’t be bothered.

If I had a magic wand here’s what I’d change. Presenters. I’d drop in Spanners Ready from Missed Apex Podcast. He’s the real deal, knowledgeable, passionate, funny and down to earth, yet polished from his BBC Cambridge days. His Formula 1 podcast is second to none and he’d make the transfer seamlessly.

Keep Bernie Collins EVERYWHERE, she’s like Louise Goodman but with greater F1 experience, the insight she provides is essential. That said, someone needs to tell her that there are 26 letters in the alphabet, the one she is missing is T, there is a T in strategy Bernie, and it is pronounced “Strategy” not “Staergy”.

Villeneuve and Rosberg are like the old men from the muppets, perfect.

Comms. For colour comms I’d have a rolodex containing Karun Chandhok, Anthony Davidson and Paul Di Resta. For the shouty stuff it’s got to be Jake Sanson, former Super 1 karting championship commentator. I used Jake’s services at Daytona Motorsport for years. His style is inimitable, passionate and so exciting! I once bashed my head against a window in reaction to Jake’s shouting about the action unfolding during a DMAX race in 2016 at Whilton Mill. Sure, he couldn’t manage himself out of a paper bag and his interpersonal skills are serpent-like, but his commentary skills are unmatched. Take a listen.

Jake Sanson & Chris McCarthy losing it over the late, great Lee Hollywood, champion elect, spinning out in the last Inter Heats DMAX round of 2016.

And if Sanson wasn’t available due to triple booking himself, a highly likely scenario, then it would make complete logic to promote Chris McCarthy from F2. McCarthy has a voice like no other in current motorsport, his deep dulcet tones may fool you into believing he has 3 testicles, such is the depth of his manly voice. You can hear the London in him, a man’s man. This, together with his personal insight to motorsport, it is no wonder he has made it as far as F2, the next step should be a foregone conclusion.

Last point of order is what to do with Ted Kravitz. His notebooks after qualifying and the races are equally brilliant as they are naff and as outdated as Crofty & Brundle. I’d put him on notice. Davidson should take up the notebook mantle. Anthony Davidson and not Jim, obvs.

Oh, and Craig Slater. What on God’s^‡ green earth is he doing firstly on TV, secondly anything to do with F1? Sensible answers only please. When he first appeared on Sky F1’s coverage I thought he was the deliberate joke hire, the clown, what Mr. Bennett was to Tony Hart’s art show. He is a joke, a very bad joke and comes across like an absolute shambles of a man, pretending to be an informed F1 journo or presenter.

Of all the uncling^†† they’re doing he is the most uncle of the lot.

Get rid, there is a dire family get-together somewhere that he should be encringing^‡‡ on.

Sign my petition here.

† Former F1 driver Jos Verstappen has a history of legal issues and violent altercations spanning several decades, including convictions for assault, threats, and a prior arrest for attempted murder.

‡ God does not exist.

†† Uncling: embarrassing uncle behaviours.

‡‡ Encringing: a brand new word from me, combining encroaching and cringing.

Thanks for reading.

— B

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